Friday, October 24, 2008
Part Three: Children as People
Despite much opposition, children in our society have now attained the status of people and as such, have rights. This means that there are now laws limiting the prerogatives of parents. What 50 years ago was some of what was accepted practice in disciplining our children is now illegal. Today a parent no longer has the right to treat children as property. Most of us would agree that children shouldn’t be physically or sexually abused but many of us don’t realize that insulting, demeaning, name-calling and other forms of verbal humiliation are now classed as emotional abuse and are also a violation of the child’s rights. Likewise not supplying children with adequate supervision and caring can now be deemed as neglect.
Some adults are quite upset with this government interference into their families; some claim that this interference doesn’t allow them to properly discipline and teach their children to behave. Some adults blame this “permissive” approach for all the problems their children have from defiance to doing poorly at school. More than once I have heard people yearn for the good old days when you could “smarten up” your kid with a good smack. Much is blamed on this new emphasis on children’s rights; but are children’s rights really the cause of moral and behavioral decay? Do children really need to be beaten into submission, to have their spirits broken, in order to be proper adults? Can we really gain respect from our children by insults and injury? I don’t think so.
What is so wrong with treating your child with respect and love? Can people really not develop a method of teaching and disciplining that doesn’t depend on force, fear, intimidation and humiliation? Not so long ago adults were routinely treated with the same lack of respect, yet our society developed and learned that a society need not depend on force to make good citizens. We learned that we could extend the rights of people-hood to women, other races, and even what had been the peasantry. Far from being destroyed by this permissiveness we became stronger. As we extended rights and respect we freed a great well of creativity and energy, which has resulted in the most technically advanced society in human history. Granted our society is far from perfect but how many of us would really want to return to the middle ages?
Now we are at another crucial step in our social evolution. When we learn to raise our children with love and respect, and, without fear and humiliation, how might our society become transformed? What might our children become if they were raised in a climate of acceptance and respect? Is it really impossible to look at our children with love, respect and even trust? Would our children really turn into monsters if we didn’t keep them under our tight control? What does such an attitude say about us?
I have met many parents who express their frustration that their children are out of control, that their children treat them without respect, or routinely lie to them. Where did they learn these behaviors? How many times have these same parents treated their children without respect? How often did these parents lose control and strike out with words or deeds, and, how often did these parents lie to their children? The simplest truth is that which is most fought against – children become what they are taught to be. They learn from what their parents do, not from what their parents say. Parents will only get respect by giving it. Children will not learn to be responsible from adults who deny their own responsibility. Children really are reflections of their parents. There is much truth to the old saying that the apple does not fall far from the tree. Parents must decide what kind of tree they will be. Parents must decide whether to raise their children as they were raised or to try to do better. I sometimes wonder what our society might become if we followed the Golden Rule with everyone - even our children: “Should we really do unto our children what we would not have others do unto us?”
Some adults are quite upset with this government interference into their families; some claim that this interference doesn’t allow them to properly discipline and teach their children to behave. Some adults blame this “permissive” approach for all the problems their children have from defiance to doing poorly at school. More than once I have heard people yearn for the good old days when you could “smarten up” your kid with a good smack. Much is blamed on this new emphasis on children’s rights; but are children’s rights really the cause of moral and behavioral decay? Do children really need to be beaten into submission, to have their spirits broken, in order to be proper adults? Can we really gain respect from our children by insults and injury? I don’t think so.
What is so wrong with treating your child with respect and love? Can people really not develop a method of teaching and disciplining that doesn’t depend on force, fear, intimidation and humiliation? Not so long ago adults were routinely treated with the same lack of respect, yet our society developed and learned that a society need not depend on force to make good citizens. We learned that we could extend the rights of people-hood to women, other races, and even what had been the peasantry. Far from being destroyed by this permissiveness we became stronger. As we extended rights and respect we freed a great well of creativity and energy, which has resulted in the most technically advanced society in human history. Granted our society is far from perfect but how many of us would really want to return to the middle ages?
Now we are at another crucial step in our social evolution. When we learn to raise our children with love and respect, and, without fear and humiliation, how might our society become transformed? What might our children become if they were raised in a climate of acceptance and respect? Is it really impossible to look at our children with love, respect and even trust? Would our children really turn into monsters if we didn’t keep them under our tight control? What does such an attitude say about us?
I have met many parents who express their frustration that their children are out of control, that their children treat them without respect, or routinely lie to them. Where did they learn these behaviors? How many times have these same parents treated their children without respect? How often did these parents lose control and strike out with words or deeds, and, how often did these parents lie to their children? The simplest truth is that which is most fought against – children become what they are taught to be. They learn from what their parents do, not from what their parents say. Parents will only get respect by giving it. Children will not learn to be responsible from adults who deny their own responsibility. Children really are reflections of their parents. There is much truth to the old saying that the apple does not fall far from the tree. Parents must decide what kind of tree they will be. Parents must decide whether to raise their children as they were raised or to try to do better. I sometimes wonder what our society might become if we followed the Golden Rule with everyone - even our children: “Should we really do unto our children what we would not have others do unto us?”
