Monday, February 19, 2007
Violence is a Choice
Throughout my life I have been fascinated by the incredible juggling act that all of us go through in exercising the freedom to choose while trying to avoid the blame or consequences of those choices.
We live in the freest society in history. We have raised individual freedom to the highest pinnacle of what is fair and just. We demand our freedoms and actively resist any encroachment on them. We are free to live wherever we choose (and can afford), free to choose our profession (or choose none), free to charge whatever the market will bear (regardless of how many can’t afford our price), free to indulge whatever whims and passions our credit allows. We are even free to deny that we have freedom of choice.. In all of this freedom that we demand, we have forgotten that freedom is based in responsibility; we can’t have one without the other.
. Many people like to blame violence on society, many others blame it on parenting, still others blame it on peer groups, alcohol, drugs, sugar, early weaning, childhood trauma, or even on their horoscopes. The pattern of blaming everyone and everything except ourselves is as ingrained as our assumption that we have a right to do pretty much anything we please and the consequences (if any) can usually be put off on someone else. Those who use violence feel justified in doing so, until they get caught, at which point they usually try to pass themselves off as the real victim. Those who have violence done to them are pretty sure they are innocent victims regardless of what choices they made to put themselves in the path of violence. Oh what a can of worms that last sentence will open, but hey, I’m just the writer, I shouldn’t be held responsible for how you interpret what I write (after all, my muse made me do it).
Yes, I do understand that children are a product of their environment. Society, TV, video games, books, peers, schools and, most of all, parents influence the way that children develop. Children are shaped and modeled by these influences, especially during their “formative years”, but what about when they grow up? Children do (like kittens) grow up. What happens then? Adults demand all the freedoms of society, is it not reasonable that they accept the responsibility? When you are an adult it doesn’t matter how you got the way you are; it doesn’t matter who messed you up as a child, BECAUSE as an adult you have the choice of staying messed up or of choosing sane and responsible modes of conduct. If you accept the freedoms of adulthood then you should accept the responsibilities as well. I know this is an unpopular position, people like having somebody to blame, people like to feel that someone else is responsible for their shortcomings, it’s uncomfortable to be your own conscience. Many of us would prefer to think of ourselves as a victim. Being a victim is a popular fantasy. Being a victim allows us to believe that what happens to us is never our fault. We have no choice because someone else made us what we are. How many times have we heard statements like, “they made me so angry, I just lost it”, or “if it hadn’t been for my parents, siblings, friends, co-workers team mates, etc, then I would have succeeded, scored, got the promotion, or whatever”. Another popular favourite is my parents, society or spouse failed me, betrayed, me or didn’t understand me”. We have a million excuses for failure, almost always it’s someone else’s fault.
The hardest part of becoming an adult is to try to stop using excuses. Adults are responsible for their actions. If you are violent towards someone else, then you, and only you, are responsible for that violence. As an adult you choose to change or to remain the same, but it is your choice. I am not saying that I expect anyone to be perfect but we should strive to change what is necessary. We should put as much effort into being responsible as we do in exercising our freedom.
Conclusion: to paraphrase some philosopher (I forget which one). We are all self-made men, but only the successful will admit it.
We live in the freest society in history. We have raised individual freedom to the highest pinnacle of what is fair and just. We demand our freedoms and actively resist any encroachment on them. We are free to live wherever we choose (and can afford), free to choose our profession (or choose none), free to charge whatever the market will bear (regardless of how many can’t afford our price), free to indulge whatever whims and passions our credit allows. We are even free to deny that we have freedom of choice.. In all of this freedom that we demand, we have forgotten that freedom is based in responsibility; we can’t have one without the other.
. Many people like to blame violence on society, many others blame it on parenting, still others blame it on peer groups, alcohol, drugs, sugar, early weaning, childhood trauma, or even on their horoscopes. The pattern of blaming everyone and everything except ourselves is as ingrained as our assumption that we have a right to do pretty much anything we please and the consequences (if any) can usually be put off on someone else. Those who use violence feel justified in doing so, until they get caught, at which point they usually try to pass themselves off as the real victim. Those who have violence done to them are pretty sure they are innocent victims regardless of what choices they made to put themselves in the path of violence. Oh what a can of worms that last sentence will open, but hey, I’m just the writer, I shouldn’t be held responsible for how you interpret what I write (after all, my muse made me do it).
Yes, I do understand that children are a product of their environment. Society, TV, video games, books, peers, schools and, most of all, parents influence the way that children develop. Children are shaped and modeled by these influences, especially during their “formative years”, but what about when they grow up? Children do (like kittens) grow up. What happens then? Adults demand all the freedoms of society, is it not reasonable that they accept the responsibility? When you are an adult it doesn’t matter how you got the way you are; it doesn’t matter who messed you up as a child, BECAUSE as an adult you have the choice of staying messed up or of choosing sane and responsible modes of conduct. If you accept the freedoms of adulthood then you should accept the responsibilities as well. I know this is an unpopular position, people like having somebody to blame, people like to feel that someone else is responsible for their shortcomings, it’s uncomfortable to be your own conscience. Many of us would prefer to think of ourselves as a victim. Being a victim is a popular fantasy. Being a victim allows us to believe that what happens to us is never our fault. We have no choice because someone else made us what we are. How many times have we heard statements like, “they made me so angry, I just lost it”, or “if it hadn’t been for my parents, siblings, friends, co-workers team mates, etc, then I would have succeeded, scored, got the promotion, or whatever”. Another popular favourite is my parents, society or spouse failed me, betrayed, me or didn’t understand me”. We have a million excuses for failure, almost always it’s someone else’s fault.
The hardest part of becoming an adult is to try to stop using excuses. Adults are responsible for their actions. If you are violent towards someone else, then you, and only you, are responsible for that violence. As an adult you choose to change or to remain the same, but it is your choice. I am not saying that I expect anyone to be perfect but we should strive to change what is necessary. We should put as much effort into being responsible as we do in exercising our freedom.
Conclusion: to paraphrase some philosopher (I forget which one). We are all self-made men, but only the successful will admit it.
